choose love
by mike wittmer
Posted under
christian living,
daily devotional,
difficult relationships,
emotions,
faith,
friendship,
God,
God's love,
love,
marriage,
obedience,
relationships,
submission,
unity (18 comments)
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Proverbs 5:15-23
Let your wife be a fountain of blessing for you. Rejoice in the wife of your youth (v.18).
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• Philippians 2:3-11
• 1 Peter 2:21
• 1 John 4:10-12
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What steps can you take to protect your marriage from the selfish and promiscuous messages of our age? Do something tangible— either for your spouse or a close friend—that demonstrates your commitment.
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The actress Cameron Diaz explained why none of her romantic relationships have led to marriage. “I think that what I’ve found . . . is that you always find the person you’re meant to be with at that time in your life. And what I’ve also found is that you have to move on from those people at certain times, because that’s the way it happens. . . . A lot of people find themselves trapped in something they’ve outgrown and are unhappy. And they don’t know how to get out of it because they think they’re supposed to make it happen.”
This attitude may be acceptable when dating, but too many people bring it into their marriage. “Till death do us part” becomes “You’re the person I want to be with at this period in my life,” and they quickly discard their spouse when they’ve “outgrown the relationship” or the chemistry is no longer working. Then, in a futile quest to “find themselves,” they tear apart their family and ruin the lives of everyone in it (Proverbs 5:15-17).
But what if love doesn’t mean “what makes me happy or meets my needs this very moment”? What if we replaced this thin view of love with the muscular love of God? “God loved the world so much that He” . . . what? Tingled with happiness? Got wobbly in the knees? Used the world to find Himself? No. “God loved the world so much that He gave His one and only Son” (John 3:16).
The cross is the greatest act of love, not because it filled God with warm feelings, but because God put us ahead of Himself and chose to die for us.
How about you? Will you chase Hollywood’s idea of happiness, or will you commit to spend your life with your spouse? (Proverbs 5:18). Choose love.
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Nothing is swept off the shelves of book stores faster than magazines highlighting the lives of Hollywood actors. Would I chase Hollywood’s idea of happiness? Never! The problem with H/wood folks is that they can’t separate their lives on-screen from the real thing! A great pity really.
My wife and I have been through our own highs and lows. Sometimes the lows have been so unbearable to the point where throwing in the towel would have been the ideal thing to do. But ideal to whom? It is obvious such feelings did not mutually affect us at the same time. So had either of us walked out it would have been a selfish move, leaving your other half in a lurch! In the end we both came to our senses to realise that our marriage and the love we have for each other were much bigger and important than the two of us individually. Over the years we have grown to love and appreciate each other more and letting God be the glue that binds us.
As much as it might not be our business how people conduct themselves in their marriages, we would, nevertheless, love to see more stable homes. That way, perhaps, half the problems we now face would not exist. One government minister in my country invited the president to no less than four of his weddings such that, during the fourth wedding ceremony, the president, having been given a chance to say something about the newly weds, said, in a serious tone,”I hope this is the last time you are inviting me to your weddings, Ver…….”
This was an awesome devotion! Yeah…Hollywood’s version of love and commitment is way off the mark of what God wants it to be for us. I’m gad I don’t believe in their version! Amen!
Chileshe and riri:
Thanks for your comments. As I read them I thought that you have a very mature view of love and marriage. May you raise children with the same view! How sad that it was even possible for the president to joke that he was through coming to his official’s weddings. What has become of us?
LOL, Chileshe I like that statement by your president; what is his name?
Today’s devotion reminds me of a series we are currently studying at the church I attend; the subject is being fruitful. Yesterday we talked about worldly Christians. A point we underlined was that these type of Christians are the ones who value what the world values, talks the way the world talks, acts like the world, reasons like the word; basically and individual with the Christian label, and who might be very serious about their faith, yet gets his/her affirmation from the world. This person’s choices in relationships, entertainment, and activities reflect what he/she finds important.
To this I would add that each person makes the choice about what they choose to see, hear, do etc…but whatever we do, as Christian God’s word should serve as the filter for our choices and as a guideline. I do watch TV, but I am careful about what I watch; there are many Christians I know who think that as long as they are not watching pornography, or some tasteless music videos they are fine. What they forget is that the devil customizes the pitfall to the individual; a harmless and funny TV series can become harmful if whatever values and morals that are expressed become what we adopt in our personal lives. The less time we spend listening and watching things that have opposite views to the Bible, the less likely are we to embrace ungodly values.
Philippians 4: 8-9 says: “…Fix your thoughts on what is true, honorable, and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise…” Let’s get our values and priorities straight!
Hollywood and it’s stars use relationships to suit their needs and their egos.
All of us hit a rocky road in our marriage or relationship and sometimes it is real rocky but we do come to our senses and finally work it out with help or without help we don’t discard it.
My husband and I went through a terrible time but we finally came to our senses and we have been married for 53 years now.
Wow, beautifully put Ese, I think of the shows that I used to enjoy and how easy the Devil talked me into watching them anyway. Putting things in my mind like, oh that isn’t so bad, oh there isn’t any nudity in that so it should be ok. But when we give in an watch things that don’t seem too bad, we make it easier to lower our standards as to what we should and shouldn’t be watching or hearing. As we fill our minds with the things and views of the world we begin to drift away from God’s will in every part of our lives and that includes marriage. In this selfish world in which we live today, we want what we want when we want it. And if it doesn’t please us we are willing to walk away. When two people just walk away from marriage they don’ t seem to realize or care who it is going to affect or hurt in the process as long as they get what they want. Sad to say but all too often the ones that get hurt the most are the children. That is why we have such brokenness in the world today, families don’t stay together and the children are stuck in the middle. The older that I get the more that I see as I look back over time that not only have we lived through the ” me generation” but we are living in a ” me world” What about me? How does that make me feel? I pray that this world turns back to God before it is too late.
ESE and Soldier, you are so right on about this. I am very passionate about this subject. I was married before I accepted Christ and believed the Hollywood lies about love, sex and marriage. I wasn’t happy, so after sixteen years of marriage I divorced my wife and went looking for the “right” person. What I found was the sobering truth of God in Christ. I got rid of my television, stopped going to movies, and started listening to Christian music. Seeing the large number of single mom’s in our church I felt compelled to teach the children about Jesus. Seven years later I met my wife while we were teaching Sunday school. We are very aware that we must remain focused on Christ and rooted in His Word because Satan hates a fruitfull marriage.
The devotional and all the comments today were so full of truth. As a marriage therapist, I am saddened by the lack of commitment in couples and their desire to be “in love”, be fulfilled and not be a servant in the marriage to their partner. I work to help heal marriages destroyed by sexual sin, selfishness and addictions. Sometimes, the couple lets God heal the relationship and sometimes they don’t. I wish all couples felt like Chileshe. I am a Christian Counselor and I wouldn’t mind having less business.
Awesome devotional!
those words are worthy for me!!!!
thank God for people that still think about real love
and against what the world imposes for us.
the bible says the man will leave his parents’ house and join with a woman…a woman….a woman.
the world says ” many women, better” and I can see many women very sad because they are feeling disposable, worthless, empty inside, even as the men.
don’t be a destroyer of lives
Please, be a blessing in someone’s life!
Ese, the president in question was Kenneth Kaunda.
Thanks Chileshe
I choose love.
Thanks everyone for sharing your stories. It is true that Hollywood makes marriage to be like we are changing clothes or buying a car.
My husband and I went through a very tough time in the beginning of our marriage. I even got a divorce. At this time we were not serving the Lord. I believe that when God puts someone in your life, that is truly a marriage made in heaven. I knew that my husband was the one God had for me, but I allowed myself to believe that I’ve outgrown him, and he no longer fits me emotionally.
Marriage is work. If I can say one thing it would be that if we worked as hard at our marriage as we do in getting rich, getting a job, having a family or even our careers, there would probably be a lower divorce rate.
Ese, what is the name of the series you are studying? This is very interesting.
Thank you Mike for a powerful devotional.
Thank you one and all for sensational feed back.
I am currently at a very rough part of the road through my marriage. My wife has insisted since January that we must split up. We have three teenage daughters. I’m hanging on in there.
Mike says ‘Choose love’.
There is really no choice to be made here. The ‘choice’ is obvious. Everyone chooses love!
Problem is in our secular society today people are confused between what is real (and of God) and what is fantasy (as portrayed by Hollywood and generally of Satan).
What is love?
Even Christians are confused – and the question is better put: ‘Who is love?.
We Christians KNOW the answer to this question, key to LIFE itself: GOD IS LOVE!
The problem for all people (believers and non-believers) is that the Devil has a field day with our perception of LOVE. We simply don’t see that it is Satan’s work painting a ‘Hollywood’ (fantasy) picture of love, human relationships and marriage.
(Christian) marriage is for life – till death us do part – and bears little resemblance to the ‘Hollywood’ versions of marriage.
(Christian) marriage is for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. That is real life marriage – not ‘Hollywood’ fantasy.
When we were children we listened and believed in ‘fairy tales’. When we grow up we’re supposed to put aside childish things. However the Devil appeals to our childish desires, offering the ‘adult fairy tales’ of ‘Hollywood’ for us to aspire to. We all have to realise what is real and what is fantasy.
CHOOSE LOVE – CHOOSE GOD.
Ted:
I can’t imagine your pain and I’m sure that you don’t always feel loving thoughts toward your wife, but please know that with God’s help you can love her with your words and actions. I would also recommend James Dobson’s book, “Love Must Be Tough,” which is full of practical advice for someone in your situation. Keep loving her as Christ loved his unfaithful church.
Mike, thank you for your kind and thoughtful words.
I’ve tried everything I can think of and have finally decided to lay this burden on our Lord. If I can find the strength and patience that only He will give me, we’ll all get through this tough time and He’ll bring His own solution to our family’s problems (in His own good time).
Sorry…I’m hopping in on this super late. If anything I just wanted to share some food for thought.
I am a divorced, single-mom of two girls. Without going into all the details of my divorce, please know that I did not want to get a divorce and was willing to forgive my ex-husband of his infidelity and go to marriage counseling…I was even willing to change everything about ME to keep our marriage together because I saw how our separation negatively affected our daughter.
In any event, after the end of my marriage it took me awhile to heal. After some time (and from the pressure of family and friends), I began dating. To make a long story short, like an infatuated teen, I gave myself up to this man whom I fell very much “in love” with rather quickly and become pregnant with my second daughter. However, during my pregnancy REALITY kicked in and I began seeing things, traits and inconsistencies with my new beau. In the end, I had to terminate our relationship and was ever so thankful that we did not marry as this man clearly had many, many serious issues that I did not see during the “honeymoon” period of our relationship. My infatuation made me blind to the clues that were there all along.
So…here I am today. Like I said, a single mom of two girls and what I’ve learned throughout all of this is Christ-like forgiveness and His strength to carry on.
I sincerely believe in “Till Death Do We Part” and that would have been my life-long commitment…I believe in putting in the effort and time and resources because that’s what it takes to commit to “real love” however, because love is relational and requires more than just your participation…it will always be something that you and your spouse
both need to commit to. And you can never force someone to stay if they do not want to.
People have asked, when are you going to start dating…are you kidding me?! Anyway, I’m too busy with work and being a mom…and from what I’ve just learned in the past something I’m not too keen to get into again.
I’m always fearful of the “generational curses” or the emotional, mental and spiritual scars that are left on my two kids and after the lessons I’ve learned I am making it a point to help to heal past scars and minimize any new/possible scarring when it comes to understanding what love is and by seeing mommy’s examples. My fear of this is so great, I don’t even want to find anyone else.
Someone recently gave me a copy of a book entitled: “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Josh Harris. I’ll let you know how it goes.
Tyla808, thanks so much for sharing what God has brought you through. Yes, His forgiveness and His love are real! It sounds like you are now truly seeking Him as your First Love. As you keep Him in that place, the potential for healthy relationships with others here on earth is greatly increased. The ODJ community will pray for you and your two precious girls. May Jesus meet your every need as you trust in Him! (Philippians 4:19)