after the honeymoon

after the honeymoon

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Song of Solomon 5:2-16
But I responded, “I have taken off my robe. Should I get dressed again? I have washed my feet. Should I get them soiled?” (Song of Solomon 5:3).

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Read Malachi 2:14-16 to see God’s expectation of covenantal faithfulness in marriage.

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Take time to list the wonderful attributes of your loved one. Reflect on whether you’ve taken the other person for granted in any way. Show your appreciation to him or her today.

The honeymoon is over. Life is settling back to routine—a new one. Now you have a partner to live with. It’s no longer just about your preferences and habits. You need to learn to tango with him or her in a new paradigm. That’s where we start stepping on each other’s toes. And that’s where Song of Solomon 5:2-3 comes in.

You’ve cleaned up, slipped into your pajamas, and are sound asleep. Suddenly, your spouse rouses you from slumberland and asks you for a favor. You’re reluctant and offer a cold shoulder. Or, you’re watching something on TV and your spouse sits down and wants to talk with you. You snap, “Honey, can we talk when this program is done?”

Soon after, you feel guilty for your indifference and seek reconciliation. You “called to him [or her], but there was no reply” (Song of Solomon 5:6).

Marriage counselors say that in a conflict, you have either the fight or flight response. The fighter wants to talk and seek a resolution, while the flee-er wants to end the discussion and walk away to cool off.

While awareness of each other’s natural reaction to conflict is important, the antidote to selfishness, indifference, and poor communication is found in Song of Solomon 5:10-16.

As the woman lists her lover’s wonderful attributes, she regains her appreciation for him. She concludes: “He is desirable in every way” (Song of Solomon 5:16).

May we not expect the perfection in each other that belongs to God alone. May we minimize each other’s weaknesses, be swift to praise, and magnify each other’s strengths and beauty, and see each other through kind and patient eyes. May we never take each other’s love for granted, but always experience that breathless wonder that exclaims: “Out of all this world, you have chosen me!”

NLT 365-day reading plan passage for today: Revelation 21:1-27

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2 Responses to “after the honeymoon”

  1. daisymarygoldr says:

    Good thoughts on marriage, Poh Fang! In the KJV, Song of Solomon 5:16 says “He is altogether lovely”. Back home, this verse is usually chosen as the theme in special meetings that are held for ten days at a stretch. The message of the sermons is always centered on Christ and not on our earthly marriage. Personally, I have never used Song of Solomon as a guide for my marriage.

    In the literal sense, The Song of Songs does describe marital love which is but a faint shadow. And if you stop short at the shadow, then you will miss the more desirable delights of the ultimate union between Christ and His Church. Figuratively, these passages extend beyond the bliss of human love to depict the deepest dimensions of divine love.

    The honeymoon is described in chapters 6 and 7. The events in Song of Solomon 5 unfold after the wedding night—of marital consummation. This portion is a dream sequence that occurs in a state of semi-slumber. It reveals the bride’s guilty feelings of being indifferent to her beloved. Hence the fear, that she will lose him, now that the first night is over. In reality though, he was never gone but was right there in the garden.

    There are several spiritual lessons to be learned from this. The bride represents individual believers. The bridegroom is Christ. Soon, as the novelty of the nuptial night wears off, Christians can become careless and complacent in their personal relationship with Christ. As a result they are not able to sense His presence. In desperation, they call out to Him but there is no answer (Song of Solomon 5: 6). There is guilt mingled with fear that the Lord has abandoned and withdrawn from them.

    The woman in this Song did not give up but enlisted the help of her friends to search for her lover. Similarly the backslidden believer needs to seek the intercession of others and list the wonderful attributes of Christ to declare with confident trust: “Out of all this world, you have chosen me!” When you wake up to the need of Jesus the lover of your soul, you will find He is closer to you than you ever imagined.

    With the dawning of the New Year, let us discover anew that there is no one altogether lovely like Jesus Christ.

  2. pohfangchia says:

    Thank you, daisymarygoldr, for adding your thoughts and helping us to have a deeper understanding of the passage. :)

    pohfang

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